Old friends.....new awakenings.

I ran into an old friend from my earlier more wild musician days recently. We talked about old times and some of the ridiculousness that we had experienced together. Then apparently I got a look on my face that troubled him so he asked me what was wrong. I told him about some of the things I had been through over the past years and how I kinda feel like I'm in limbo right now and don't know what to do. I explained to him about how I'm going to church on a regular basis, playing in the Praise band and how enjoyable it is but also how much I enjoy playing...or at least used to.

Recently our church revived it's Bell Choir and they rehearse on the same nights I attend a bible study there. I always try to get in and hear the Bells because it's such a relaxing sound but there is more to it than that for me. I enjoy seeing the excitement on the faces of the members while they play. I don't think they have much musical or performance experience and it's refreshing to see such excitement especially on the Sundays that they perform. I used to have that but it's somehow gone from me. I don't have that spark anymore. No inspiration. I have songs written for a CD but I just can't bring myself to finish anything.

So me and my friend talked about all of this, which I found kind off interesting because he's not of the "spiritual" ilk. He actually made sense for once in his life. LOL. He told me that my problem seems to be that the memories of all the bad stuff in my life coincided with my time in a band where I was finally doing what I wanted which was writing and performing my own material and somewhere deep down inside of me the fear of releasing a new CD will rekindle those memories, or even worse, re-create those same problems. He suggested that I take a long look inside of myself and to talk to God about it. Perhaps it's God telling me to do this record but I don't have the faith in him to follow through because the fear seems too great.

Maybe there is some truth to that. Only one way top find out....excuse me please. I need to go talk to someone!