Confusing times

I've always been told by others much older and wiser than me that life gets easier as you get older. HA! I find that to be quite the opposite. Maybe it's the times we are living in or maybe it's just me and all of my inadequacies making things more difficult than they should be but as I get older things are NOT getting easier.

I've always had this knack for helping people whether its with computers, music or just problems in general. For some reason people seem to seek me out to lay all of their problems on and somehow we manage to either find a solution or at least a means of coping. I've never understood the reason people would seek me out but I've just kinda taken things in stride. Until recently.

For the last few years I've embarked on a journey (for lack of a better more flavorful description) to really find out who I am and what makes me tick. It would seem the more I learn about myself the less I know! I'm at a point in this journey now where I seem to be at a crossroads. To my left is the path to "More of the same". Its the road I've been on for quite a few years and the scenery is getting rather dull and lifeless. To my right is a new path. It's a path of Spiritual awareness and, dare I say, enlightenment that I've always looked for but could never see. It's a path that would see me walking lockstep with our Creator and his Son and doing the work that He would want me to do. Here is my problem.

In order to take this new path I have to open myself up in ways that a private person like me tends to shy away from. I would need to write about my innermost feelings, fears and thoughts. I would also need to put these thoughts to song and sing about them to whomever would take the time to listen. I think that's one of the reasons the work on my CD has stalled because I've been too afraid to let those thoughts and feelings out. Now I'm wondering why I've been so scared. Maybe singing about some of the problems I've been through and conquered can help someone else who is in the same or even worse situation. It's not enough to just help those who are close to me. I feel the need, or more to the point a calling, to spread the Word.

At the end of the day the question is do I continue on my current path because it's familiar to me or do I embark on this new path? Seems like an easy decision to make. At the same time it's a scary thought when drastic change is not your forte. It's almost like you are changing your identity in a way. Instead of leaving my old life behind I'm leaving my old way of living behind.

Well my decision has been made and all I can say is "Bring me that horizon!"